You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
