Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
