Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
