Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
