and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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