Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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