she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
