Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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