the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
