This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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