her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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