Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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