Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
