that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
