Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
