i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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