Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
