Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
