brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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