I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
