If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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