At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
