His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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