just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
