I wanna bring you to show and tell
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
