I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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