Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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