Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize