mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
