Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
