Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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