Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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