I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
