ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize