dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
