dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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