If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
