I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
