i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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