sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
