Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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