I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
