can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I could make wine with my vomit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and she was petting her beer can
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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