Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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