3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
