well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
