her vagine was all disorganized.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
