dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someone shattered a urinal.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
