but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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