you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
