oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
