I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
