I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
