I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
