Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
