Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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