it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
