I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
