420 ftw
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize