Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
