his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
