sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
