i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
