i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
