Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
