Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
