so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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