I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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