In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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