I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
